Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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