Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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