uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
