Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
