He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
