did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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