you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
