she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
