your room smells of hookers.
And success
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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