you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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