It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
