the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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