Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
