shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
