my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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