The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
