So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize