If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
