what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
