home. puking in laundry basket.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
