My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
