just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
