tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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