Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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