I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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