Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
