the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
