What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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