i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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