Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
