He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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