I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
tell me about the eggs
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