This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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