there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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