i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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