Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
