found the other keg... it's in the tree
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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