Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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