dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
