Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
