hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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