he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
