life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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