My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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