My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize