Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize