I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
