she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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