you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
