yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
