I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
