I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
