It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
