Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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