why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
