he puts the penis in happiness.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
