the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
