you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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