dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
