community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
