I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
