Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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