Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
