I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
