Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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