I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize