god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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