I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
